Lately, life has been taking the plunge, ready or not. It’s been jumping in, and forcing myself into a life that I think I want. First it was quitting my job, then it was returning to the agility world, now it’s getting back into the groove of things with this strange new semester and also realizing that I’ve run out of money. (oops.)
I quit my job about a month ago. I hated it, I hated the management, I hated the customers, and eventually I decided that it had shoveled enough hate into my life, it was about time to shovel it all back out. I didn’t have a backup plan, but there was no time.
Three weeks ago Motion and I re-entered the competition ring for the first time since his TPLO. So much was up in the air, all I could do was scream internally and hope that none of it escaped audibly. Was he ready? Was it too soon? Would there be time to finish qualifying for NAC? No one knew, but there was one way to find out. Into the ring we went. It was magic, it was inspiring, it was informative, and it was necessary. The runs were mostly fantastic; 50% clean/50% almost clean, but that’s irrelevant. There was one horrifying moment where he landed on top of a bar and rather forcefully became one with the ground, though I’m mostly convinced it was an optical illusion mishap and not an oh-no-my-knee-surgery-failed-miserably mishap. He’s strong and he’s healthy, but he’s not quite back. We’re working on it. The following weekend brought fewer clean runs, but exponentially more connection; quite a valuable trade off I think. It also brought clarity and goal setting. Qualifying Mo for AKC Nationals is certainly possible, but at what cost? Financially, emotionally, and physically, it just isn’t worth it this year. I am still chasing down those points with WiFi, but Mo and I have had quite a few heart to hearts, and we’ve decided our work is going to go into prepping for World Team Tryouts in May.
He’s bionic, and it’s wonderful.
Immediately after leaping back into the ring with my dogs, a new semester began. Part of me is quite confused at how this all happened. How am I a junior in college? Surely that can’t be right. (It is.) But another very important part of me is eager for it to be over, for a new adventure, for a new home. But that seems worlds away. This semester is an odd one, a light load, only 12 hours because scheduling is a funny thing and sometimes nothing lines up right. Two staple courses for your everyday Physics major, an architecture class for your typical World Cities minor, and a music class which is a totally rad course in which I get to spend 3 hours a week discussing rock and roll but also fills my last core requirement. Yes, you read that right: Physics major with a World Cities minor. That makes no sense, but then, nothing in this head of mine ever does so what does it matter? Big cities with bright lights and tall sky scrapers have always drawn me in, oftentimes evoking vivid daydreams of living an intoxicating life in a high rise apartment in Manhattan, Boston, or Seattle. Usually they have me planning an imaginary party on the rooftop of my imaginary apartment in Manhattan, but sometimes (last Tuesday) they have me sitting in an architecture class answering some trivial question which somehow resulted in me receiving a round of applause. That was a peculiar moment.
Two agility trials, rent, and some textbooks later, I am quickly running out of money. I’m trying to stay calm because I figure it’s not truly college if you don’t nearly run out of money once or twice, right? I didn’t work my first year of college, I started the summer before my sophomore year and then never stopped. Somehow I did not realize this before, but it is quite a luxury to come home from school and not have to immediately change clothes, and rush to work until 11pm. This past month has given me so much room to breathe, interpret and simplify. Historically, Plan A and reality don’t always align as I would have hoped, but with a little luck, I suppose I can still find space somewhere between the two for all this scheming and reflecting.
Also: Saturday we beached.